Updated: Mar 29
One of the most common situations that bring people to my office is the loss of sexual desire. People freak out when it is gone, they can't find it and then get swept up in the rabbit hole of anxiety about whether they'll ever find it again and why it was lost in the first place?
What if I told you that arousal is what creates desire, and when you're in the low desire position and do not want sex you're actually in more control of your relationship than if you were the one wanting it all of the time. Truth is, there are power dynamics in relationships that impact the sexual desire that exists within them. So often a power shift occurs in relationships that will have a long-lasting impact on the sexual connection. This is where sex therapy can be incredibly helpful.
Understanding your roles, who is in the different power positions when it comes to sex, and other aspects of the relationship, and how to get back into a position of desire, rather than power can be life-changing. When we stop searching for opportunities to feel like we're in power, and rather search for opportunities to feel safe when we're not, we may actually find our desire and enjoy sex again.